Intro and analysis:

The quote above was followed by the question: “Do you agree?” We received over 60 responses which was very heart-warming. Out of the 60, only 18 (representing 30%) are married while the rest 42 (70%) are not-married. Almost all the married (about 90%) agreed completely with the statement, the remaining 10% did not agree totally. Among the 42 not-married respondents, about 25 (c. 60%) agreed completely while the remaining 17 (c. 40%) either disagreed completely or agreed under certain conditions. May I therefore present below some of the reactions. You will notice that some of the responses went back to the main concern of the story where the quote originally had featured. I did obtain the permission of these individuals before posting their responses. I have deliberately skipped elaborated discussions that followed in which I acted as a critical ‘midwife’. I hope you enjoy it.

Response I:

Ok. It’s a little of my story because I was Pentecostal and my husband a Catholic, the difference is that we did not fight about it. We were going to separate churches until I finally made up my mind to join  him without pressure from anyone. Not him nor his family nor my family. I just decided on my own and he was very happy. My mum and some of my aunts were not comfortable with my decision but my dad never cared. They later accepted it.

Concerning the question: Well in my opinion before marriage there is usually this excitement and love is at its peak. Both partners put in their best to let the other know he or she is not making a mistake. Both partners are willing to let go of anything that is not making the other happy. So if during  dating and courtship anything is not managed, then there’s a 99% chance that it’s going to get sour after marriage. Why? Because after marriage you are now faced with the reality of who u are married to. Good and bad habits. Most times u are now taken for granted because of too much familiarity.  There is this feeling that “Inow have him or her and so what else?”. Selfishness sets in, lack of respect sets in. The original purpose why you got married gradually dies down. It takes the love and fear of God for every marriage to stand. You will have to completely die to yourself  for your marriage to work. You will not be moved by how you feel anymore because in one way or the other your partner will offend you knowingly or unknowingly. Love has to stop being just carnal. Agape love is the only love that sustains marriage because it is love that sees beyond human weakness and beyond kind of pain hurt, betrayal. Love that will always forgive, love that does not keep record of any wrong. Agape love covers a multitude of sins. It is self-sacrificing. So with this kind of love sour situations can be come sweet. (Shella – Cameroun)

Response II:

Yes I agree. But am also of the opinion that church should not be an issue …. but I believe firmly that a family needs to have a single church for the sake of the children that the will bring to the world. When kids start coming and growing that’s when the issue of different faiths become grave. Some children are lost due to this issue; not knowing where and what to believe. And the faith to practice … I guess that if our parents didn’t guide us in the faith to practice, we would not be what we are today. (Kelechi – Lagos)

Response III:

To an extent, yes. I said so because in an ideal marriage setting (marriage between two matured minds), it is an institution for growth, change from bad to good or vice versa…. No real person wants to remain stagnant, they always want to try something new. So, depending on what couldn’t be managed…. You might be surprised after sometime in the marriage it becomes a thing of the past. Likewise sometimes that seems so good.. In the marriage it becomes sour. Marriage is just what you make out of it… And so is life. (Sandra – Bida, Niger State)

Response IV:

I guess in the first moment and in general I would say that’s correct. On the other hand, I’ve seen an arranged marriage where things at start didn’t go well but after marriage and trough time, the loved grow and things got better… So I don’t know😄 (Charlotte – Belgium)

Response V:

Yes unless miracle happens. It can only be miracle and miracles come from God. So if the partner believes in the power of prayer and has faith, maybe, just maybe, God can turn things around. (Chioma – Aba)

Response VI:

Not wholly. I feel time heals a lot of things. It allows for things to change. Just like how the good habits of people during courtship can change to bad during marriage so can the bad habits of people during courtship change during marriage. But there are things that cannot be easily changed about people, and in such occasions marriage should not be encouraged. The duration of courtship is mostly shorter than the period of marriage and some good that were enjoyed during courtship can turn to bad that will be endured during marriage similarly the bad that were managed during courtship can turn to good that will be enjoyed during marriage. But when sour turns to bitter, life should be preserved by leaving the marriage.  (Chidimma – Benin)

Response VII:

If it can’t be managed “before”, what’s going to make it suddenly manageable “after”? If I know something is pissing me off, I doubt I’ll let the friendship progress to a certain level, talk more of to marriage. And then majority of people always have the “that’s how I am, can’t change myself” answer. Instead of actually working on themselves to be better people …. Most people stay with their partners by trying to weigh out the ‘bad’with the ‘good’. Maybe he’s nice and prayerful, but he’s also short tempered and lazy. Stuff like that. I’m not perfect but I’ve got to choose battles I know I’ve got a chance of coming out victorious. (Adanna – Lagos)